Sooo, I wanted to post about something fun and light today especially after my post on Monday.
That isn’t going to happen.
I’ve been rattling my brains all day to come up with something to write about and I’ve got nothing.
Nothing other than the fact that today is has been a real struggle.
Sometimes, especially during the good times, it’s easy to forget how hard BPD and depression can hit. It’s easy to think all is grand and that you’ll never have another moment where you feel down and out.
That’s not the case though. It never is…
It’s days like today that my focus goes from the goals I have for 2017, and all the other things I want from life, to just making it through the day.
Yes, sometimes it really is that bad.
Sometimes the only thing I have to hold onto is just making it through my work day, then making it through the time I have with my boys, then finally hopefully getting some sleep.
And maybe, just maybe, if I’m lucky I’ll wake up tomorrow and things will be a little better…a little brighter.
If the last week or so has given me anything it’s a little clarity into how deeply my mental illness affects everything in my life.
I’ve come to realize there are struggles that I’ve lived with that I never realized were a part of my BPD.
I’ve also come to realize that I have to be open and honest with my struggles. I have to be willing to be vulnerable. And, I need to seek help from others when I know I can’t do it alone.
I will never give up though. I’ll continue to fight and I will continue to work toward a better life for myself and for those around me.
(I do hope I can have a more positive and exciting post for Friday though…)